According to the Military Times, there are approximately 1,385,116 active duty U.S. service people worldwide, with 728,408 spouses and 1,207,087 children. A study of military families indicates that 469,129 children of active duty military personnel and 179,120 children of Reserve and Guard members are five years old or younger.

Military families, particularly those with young children, face unique and often very difficult challenges. When deployment occurs and an extended separation is necessary, there can be tremendous stress with physical, mental, and emotional consequences for adults and children.

As a childcare provider, you may work with children and families who are affected by deployment, or you may have co-workers who serve in the military and are called to active duty. Deployment also may affect your family if you are in the military or have family members who serve in the armed forces. Understanding the deployment process can help you cope and assist others who need support.

Deployment and Families

There are three main stages to the deployment process: pre-deployment, deployment, and homecoming. Each stage requires transition, change, adjustment and often hardship for families. There are strong emotions involved: sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, worry, resentment, frustration, and pride.

Deployment can be emotionally draining and physically exhausting for adults and children, and some individuals may suffer from depression, anxiety or other stress-related illnesses. Children and families who have a strong support system are generally better able to cope with a family deployment.

Deployment and Young Children

Young children are still developing an understanding of time, so the time line for the impending deployment is hard for them to comprehend. Also, deployment of a parent or family member requires changes in the young child’s family that they do not fully understand.

Some experts believe the most difficult stage of the process for young children is pre-deployment when then child becomes aware that something is different at home, and may be confused. When the child is told or becomes aware that the individual will be leaving, they may believe they have caused the separation in some way.

During deployment, children, including young infants, miss the parent or other family member from whom they receive comfort, care and reassurance. When the person is gone, children feel the absence and may exhibit behavior changes.

Some children may cry or whine more frequently, become very clingy to the other parent or caregiver, or may appear withdrawn. Eating and sleeping habits may be disrupted and they may become more easily frustrated. Some children may become more aggressive, while others may be difficult to comfort when they are upset.

Older preschoolers may regress to earlier behaviors like thumb sucking, or may act out their fears, anger, and frustration through play. Each child is unique; every child may react differently to the absence of a parent.

The homecoming also presents challenges. Although the homecoming is an exciting time for military families, it also brings changes.

Even while missing the parents during deployment, children have adapted to their absence, so there is a period of readjustment. The returning parent may be disappointed to return to a child who is shy, who has become clingy with the other parent or caregiver, or who does not immediately recognize them.

How to Help

It is important to provide emotional support to children of deployed parents and family members. Warm and nurturing interaction, extra hugs, patient listening, and consistent routines are essential for young children for all children, and especially during this difficult time.

The early childhood curriculum provides children many opportunities to express themselves. Encourage children to write letters or make art projects for their deployed family loved one. If you have the equipment and the family’s permission, consider helping children record videos or DVDs to send to the parent.

Help children conceptualize the individual’s location with maps and globes, keeping in mind that some military personnel’s whereabouts are classified. You may want to mark the deployment location with a star or sticker.

It is unlikely that all of the children you care for will have a deployed parent but it is important to include all children in supportive activities. Making and sending group cards or banners, assembling care packages, wearing yellow ribbons, and observing patriotic holidays are a few ways to show support.

Support and Resources

Families facing deployment experience a wide range of emotions while trying to manage many things at one time. In some cases, deployment causes financial difficulties for families, compounding stress and perhaps causing anger and aggression.

Every family is different; some will welcome your help while others may perceive it as interference in their family’s personal business. Be sensitive to each family’s beliefs and feelings, and maintain communication with the family throughout the deployment.

Encourage families to practice healthy self-care during stressful times, both for children and adults. Gentle reminders of the importance of nutrition, exercise, sleep, and stress management techniques may help.

Emphasize the benefit of consistency and routine to the emotional, physical, and mental health of the family. If several enrolled children have deployed family members, consider forming a support group.

Deployment is a challenge for all military families. Children in your care for may miss a parent or loved one. Co-workers may be facing deployment of family members or significant others and need additional support.

If you are affected by deployment, remember you must first take care of yourself before you can effectively care for others. As a childcare provider, you are an important source of support and encouragement for families facing deployment.

Marna Holland, Ed.D.
Parent educator, Asheville City Schools Preschool in Asheville, North Carolina

Internet Resources

Zero to Three offers the free “Coming Together Around Military Families” kit materials online, and Sesame Street offers free “Talk, Listen, Connect” bilingual kits, also online: www.zerotothree.org/site/PageServer?pagename=key_military; and www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc

American Psychological Association, www.apahelpcenter.org/featuredtopics/feature.php?id=61

National Association for the Education of Young Children, journal.naeyc.org/btj/200701/BTJAllen.asp

U.S. Department of State, www.state.gov/m/dghr/flo/c14555.htm