Mealtimes seem to be some of the first, and most persistent, occasions when children create miniature power struggles. Even babies eight-12 months of age may start to refuse to eat or eat only a few bites before sending some very definite signals that they are “all done.” While this is a completely normal phase for children to pass through, caregiver reactions to such behavior range from laid-back humor to full-blown panic.

Using some easy behavioral techniques, caregivers can eliminate much (if not all) of the struggle, making mealtime a more pleasant experience for everyone involved.

When these mealtime struggles begin to occur, it can seem as if a normally sweet child has suddenly developed a new personality, and parents and caregivers can be left at a loss to explain the change. The reality is that such struggles are perfectly normal. Children at this age are just beginning to develop a sense of autonomy, an awareness that they are separate and independent from their parents or caregivers.

As part of this development, they begin to struggle for control of their own bodies. So what goes in or stays out of a young child’s mouth is partially a function of the child exerting independence.

Refusal behaviors can often have more than one meaning. A child may bat at the spoon to indicate boredom with applesauce and a desire for something else instead. It may mean the child wants to be done with the meal. Or it may mean it is time to transition to new foods and textures. There are many one-year-olds who start turning their heads and refusing baby food once they have sampled some “big kid” food and realized how much better it tastes.

Struggles may begin even earlier than eight months with children who are hypersensitive to things being in their mouths. These children probably have not had a lot of experience mouthing different textures, so even a very watery strained puree can seem overwhelming to them. As a result, they may react strongly to it with gagging.

The struggling behavior with these children is not as much related to their search for autonomy as it is to the discomfort they associate with mealtime. Try introducing new food textures gradually. If the struggle continues, consider consulting a certified speech-language therapist or occupational therapist to help resolve these issues over time.

A child who refuses the food that is offered is testing for limit so the response of the caregiver feeding the child is important. If the feeder gives in, the child’s world is less predictable. The feeder can retain control of the situation by distracting the baby momentarily and then offering the food again a minute or two later--and this is the response the child is actually looking for. If the meal becomes “anything goes” for a child, then the caregiver can expect increased attempts at manipulating the situation and testing of limits.

Parents and caregivers should maintain a balance between keeping firm, clear limits and providing opportunities for the child to exercise some control, such as the when the caregiver offers the child a choice between cheese crackers or peanut butter crackers. The key is consistency, which helps teach the child to predict the response to different situations.

If the rule of the caregiver is that children only eat at meals and snack times, there should be no exceptions. It will only take a few meals for the testing of the new rule to decrease, and then to become just another part of the daily routine. Children actually thrive on routine and predictability; while they may test the waters, they are looking for responses that remind them of their routine because this reassures them that their world is safe.

The ideal situation is for both the parents and the caregivers to apply similar rules at the same stage in the development of the child’s eating habits. This is not always easy to achieve; but in most cases, all it takes is a little brainstorming by both parties to come up with strategies that everyone can live with.

Here are a few simple tips caregivers can incorporate into feeding routines that can significantly cut down on mealtime conflict:

• Set an end to the meal. Do not drag the meal out beyond 30 minutes. Young children want and need to be moving, and asking them to sit still for longer periods will not be productive.
• Have a place that the child always eats, such as a booster seat. Many parents and caregivers give up on seating that restricts the child too early.
• Offer a toy or extra spoon to occupy the baby’s hands during the feeding. It should not be anything too entertaining, since the primary focus should be on the meal. But a baby who is banging on the highchair tray with an extra spoon will have trouble batting your spoonful of food away.
• Promote the healthy eating habit of “eat when hungry and stop when full.” While infants should be fed on demand, toddlers and preschoolers need more routine. Remember, they have very small stomachs and therefore need to eat about every 2-1/2 – 3 hours. Offer small meals and snacks on a schedule throughout the day.
• Try not to react to negative behaviors. Just as adults are not supposed to laugh when young children say a bad word (even if it is funny), neither should caregivers give any reaction, positive or negative, to the ways that young children, especially babies, act up while eating. This is the period when children are really experimenting with cause and effect. A baby who causes you to lose your cool by turning away from those peas for the umpteenth time will learn to reproduce the effect whenever he or she wants.
• For babies starting table foods (such as round oat cereal or crackers), allow them enough independence to grasp and eat those foods for a few minutes before trying to spoon feed the rest of the meal. This gives the babies the autonomy that they’re starting to want, which will make them more cooperative when you need to feed the rest of the meal.

Remember that when kids this age refuse attempts to feed them, they are not misbehaving on purpose or making any judgment on your skills as cook or caregiver. They are just figuring out who they are as individuals. By setting clear and reasonable limits, being consistent, and staying calm, meals can be a peaceful and enjoyable affair.

Toddie Downs M.A., CCC-SLP
Pediatric Speech-Language Therapist

American Dietetic Association, 120 S. Riverside Plaza, Ste. 2000, Chicago, IL 60606; 800-877-1600; www.webdietitians.org/Public/NutritionInformation/92_11797.cfm

CYFERNet Children’s Nutrition Directory, www.nncc.org/cyfernet/nutrition.page.html

American Medical Association, search for “Healthy Food Choices, Two to Five Years;” www.medem.com

Keep Kids Healthy; www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/picky_eaters.html

Kids Health; kidshealth.com/parent/nutrition_fit/index.html

Promoting Healthy Eating Habits in Young Children, www.childhealthonline.org/healthyeating.htm