What are you afraid of? Maybe driving in a big city or the thought of being trapped in an elevator scares you. Maybe you fear falling from high places or flying in airplanes, waking up in the dark, seeing snakes, or something else all together.

Most people are afraid of something; you may not like it when others make fun of you because of your fears or simply fail to understand how terrorizing your fears can be. When you are dealing with the fears of young children, remember how you feel about your own fears, and think about how you would like people to respond to you in a fearful time.

Fear can be normal and healthy for both adults and children. Fear alerts you when there is the potential of harm and encourages survival activities like crying for help or running away. Adult support and guidance are important to help children learn to cope with their fears; there is little reason for serious concern about childhood fears unless a child seems obsessed with a fear or their fear does not seem to fit their age. For example, you would not expect a school-age child to fear going down the bathtub drain, whereas that is a common fear of toddlers.

Although fears are different for every child, there are some common fears that many children experience at different stages of their development. Examples include stranger anxiety, separation from parents or loved ones, bath and toilet drains, loud and fast-moving animals, loud noises, and dark rooms and associated issues (death, abandonment, goblins, etc.).

Children have a limited view of their world, take things literally, and have vivid imaginations. All of these things compound the fears they experience and make them very real--even if they are not logical to adults.

It is important to acknowledge young children’s expressions of fear. A simple statement that lets them know you are aware of their fear will convey understanding and help open the door for further support and guidance. You could gently say something like, “It looks like you may be afraid that you will fall down the toilet.” Once they have the language skills to talk about the fear, encourage them to do so and listen.

Building trust with a child is important in helping him or her deal with fear. For example, when children are afraid of the flushing toilet or tub drain, be sure they are off the toilet or out of the tub first; then invite them to push the handle to activate the flush or drain. If a child is afraid of the dark, use a nightlight or leave the light on. Insisting that the child sleep in the dark will probably result in much less sleep, and more fear.

Many children fear separation from family or caregivers; never slip away or let parents leave without telling the children. Children need to trust adults to tell them when they are leaving and when they will return. Even if they do not understand time, they can begin to understand that loved ones return after lunch, or when the big hand reaches the two and the little hand reaches the six.

Communicate honestly with children, and provide information to help them understand the situations that cause fears. When there is a loud noise, if you know the cause tell them what it was. You may say, “That big bang was a dish breaking in the kitchen.” If they are not too afraid, show them the broken dish.

Children must believe that you will protect them. They need security. However, do not make promises you cannot keep. If a child is afraid of thunder, do not say, “The storm will not hurt us,” because it is possible that there could be storm damage (tornado, lightning strikes, etc.). Instead, say, “We are doing what we should to stay safe.” (Staying indoors and away from windows, practicing tornado safety, etc.). Safety education is part of promoting mental health.

Consider ways to make children feel secure as you prepare children for emergency situations. If a child is afraid of loud noises, then emergency drills such as fire or tornado alarms may cause fear. This fear could result in unnecessary panic and failure to take necessary actions in a true emergency.

It is essential that children understand and be prepared for emergencies. If all children are accustomed to the sound of the emergency drill and have practiced appropriate actions, then they are more likely to follow instructions and seek safety. Empower children to know there are things that you do to keep them safe and things that they can do to keep themselves safe.

It is essential to help children cope with fear after an emergency situation such as a fire or weather event. Also, encourage parents to limit exposure to media and other information about the event. While these media may not be present in your early childcare and education setting, they may be available at home and can lead to fears that the children exhibit while in your care. After recent national disasters, many web pages have been developed to help adults support children in understanding violence and tragedy. These and other resources are available to help you support children though their fearful times.

Remember that adults are role models for children, and children may become fearful because of what they see or hear. If you scream when a mouse runs through the room, they may scream too--not only at the time it happens but every time they see a mouse. If you seem unable to cope with your fears, they learn panic instead of coping skills.

Adults--particularly unfamiliar adults--also can be a source of fear for young children. If your program has adult volunteers, your children may need to trust many different adults who rotate in and out. Introduce all volunteers carefully to the children; this sends the message that these adults are okay.

Interacting with authority figures such as doctors can cause children distress. Adults sometimes add to distress through inappropriate threats for discipline; this can scare young children and may prevent them from trusting adults in general. For example, if an adult tells them that the doctor will give them a shot if they are not good, they will learn to fear the doctor. Likewise, a threat that “If you are not good, I’ll ask the police to take you to jail” can cause fear. Such statements may cause children to fear the adults they may most need to trust.

Children’s literature, read aloud at story time, can be a good way to start conversations about certain fears involving other adults and unfamiliar environments (such as going to the doctor, going to the hospital, etc.).

Working with children to find resolutions to the fear helps them better understand and deal with it. Avoid pressuring a child to face his fear because you might magnify it for him and destroy a trusting relationship.

Connie Jo Smith, Ed.D., Visiting Assistant Professor, Consumer and Family Sciences, Western Kentucky University
and Charlotte Hendricks, Healthy Childcare Editor

American Red Cross, www.redcross.org/services/disaster/foreignmat/1303en.pdf

Children’s Youth & Women’s Health Service, www.cyh.com

Harvard University, www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Childrens_fears_and_anxieties.htm

Healthy Childcare, www.healthychild.net/articles/mc25cope.html

Iowa State Extension Service, www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1529D.pdf

Lifespan, www.lifespan.org/services/childhealth/parenting/fears.htm

Keep Kids Healthy, www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/fears.html

National Mental Health Information Center, PO Box 42557, Washington, DC 20015; 800-789-2647; www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov